– iso kai iso – equal and equal – balance

It’s been 10 years since
my dad lastly gasped
on April Fool’s Day.
My two children never met him;
one was in my belly, and the
other was yet to be.
My son loves April Fool’s Day
as kids do, which opposes my sadness,
bringing me to a balance.

When I quit drinking 20 months ago, I needed to fill the void that alcohol had left in my life. I got a therapist to hold me accountable, and I stumbled upon Reach Yoga. In my twenties and thirties, I had an on-and-off relationship with yoga. As we age, elders often warn us against certain high-impact workouts, like running, and after years of indoor spinning and the pandemic, I needed something different, and if I wanted to stay sober, I realized I needed to add a third place to my life. That’s when I discovered Reach yoga.

My former teachers, the amazing Zephea Sampson and Mark Drost, practiced yoga at 100 degrees. So the heat was familiar, but the yoga was not. This asana sequence was different. I was clumsy, and it was maddening. However, it clung to my void.

It was hot, it was hard, it was home.

There were no mirrors to distract me from perfection, no music to love or hate, and no chatter in the yoga —It came from the form.
At first, I maximized my two-week intro pass almost every day, but it became clear quickly that this was my new alcohol. The studio became my dark bar, and my mat was my stool. They knew who I was when I came in and read me accordingly. I pushed past the pain, emotional and physical – yes, even weeping some days, but the black and white studio was a safe place to weep. I make mistakes, I look around sometimes, or perform to support my ego, and that’s ok. I’m aware of my performance, too. I come back to my breath. I come back to my gaze. I growl and groan, and they still have not abandoned me. Heck, I think they even like me. Today, I just booked my 418 class.

If you’re struggling with drinking, need something to fill the void, or a healthy community that is safe and supportive, may I suggest Reach Yoga?